Preface
Throughout the counseling session, the goal is to change the counselee's focus on the false self, a self of lusts and appetites to a realization of his true self, a self in union with Christ. This is accomplished by a continuous process of judging self, one's own sins, not others; changing focus from self needs to one of accomplishing God's purposes for his life by loving Him and others foremost; daily dying to the old man and putting-on the new man (check this); and of maintaining a state of forgiving and reconciling throughout life. The real goal now is for the counselee to be a disciple, to help and restore others to this same position whereas they , in turn, will do likewise. ( Matt. 28:18-20 ; Gal. 5:16 , 17 , 24 ; Gal. 6:14 )

False Self
All of life in the natural sphere conditions and inclines one to deal with life's experiences from a horizontal perspective, that is, to react from a self-protective and self-defensive posture, to insure one's survival in a competitive and fallen environment. This pronounced self-focus degenerates , in time, until life is characterized by guilt and shame, anger and bitterness, and fear: a life devoid of the Presence of God. Life becomes filled with the presence of self attempting to meet the needs of self by a fruitless search for the meaning of life in a world system energized by evil.

A person in this condition seeks relief by the fashions and customs of this world, by the lusts and appetites of the flesh, by justifying his own behaviour, by placing the blame on others, by seeking peace and joy in things, people, possessions. Emphasis is on what others have done or failed to do, and the remedy is to change others and the circumstances of life by whatever human (fallen) resources are available. The focus is on self, to save self and to use others, and the things of the world to find the meaning of life. ( Eph. 2:1-3 ; 2 Tim. 3:2-5 )

True Self
All that was done to us, what we have done to others, the failures , the ills, the violations of our persons, the brutalities, the perversions of life, rejections, death of loved ones, tragedies, loneliness, abandonment, Jesus paid the penalty for all these sins. and provided the means to handle the tragedies of life. We do not need to deal with these violations , and the tragedies of life on our own. Christ is in us to work out our salvation daily. ( Phil. 2:12-13 ; Gal. 2:20 ; 2 Cor. 5:17 , 21 ; Rom. 6:3-6 ; Eze. 18:20 )

Being in Christ, we are new creatures and we are to deal with life now from a biblical perspective. Our problem is not with Satan, not with people, not with the circumstances of life, but our problem lies in our relationship with God. Our focus is to change from a concern about self, to a concern about God's glory and that is accomplished by our godly responses to others and to life in general. ( Rom. 5:17 ; 2 Cor. 5:21 )

1. First step is to judge self, not others. We are accountable for our own actions, and not the actions of others, that is, we are to develop a sensitivity to our own sin, and to respond to the present situation as a new creature in Christ , being a blessing instead of a curse. ( Matt. 7:5 ; 1 Pet. 3:9 ; Eze. 18:20 ).
2. All that was done to us, and all that we have done to others, the pains and sorrows of life, God will intervene and rearrange all things to our advantage provided we do two things: obey His commandments, and live according to His purposes for our lives by being conformed to His Son. ( Luke 9:23-24 ; Rom. 8:28-29 ; Col.1:10 )
3. Therefore, we are to change our focus from self to God, by loving Him in our minds, our emotions and our wills, and the evidence and proof that we are doing this is to love God by our biblical responses to our neighbor, and to the offenses and trials of life. ( John 14:21 ; 1Pet. 3:9-15 ; Matt. 22:36-40 ; Lu. 6:27-38 )
4. On a daily basis, we are to judge our responses to life, and to others by changing our usual patterns of behaviour by putting-off the old man and putting-on the new man in Christ, organizing and structuring life patterns according to the word of God, no longer by our natural instincts and impulses. ( 1 Cor. 13:4-8 ; Eph. 4:22-32 ; Col. 3 all; Rom. 12 all)
5. Underlying all of the above, we are to live by the true self, to develop and establish a forgiving attitude, to accept being forgiven, and to pursue a course of being reconciled to all of life's experiences as well as to the daily irritations and offenses of life. This is essential in order to set one free from the world, the flesh and the devil. ( Matt. 5:23-24 ; Matt. 6:14-15 ; 2 Cor. 5:17-21 ; 1 John 2:15-16 ; Phil. 3:10 )

• Judge self in every encounter, being continually sensitive to sinful reactions, not excusing, nor justifying self, neither blaming others. We are to deal with self, to prepare self to be in a position to help restore those who are overtaken in sin.
• Commit to live by God's word, no longer react by feelings but respond by the will and the will based on the word of God.
• Daily put-off the old self and put-on biblical responses to life's irritations and offenses.
• Constantly sustain a state of forgiving and reconciling in the affairs of life. Thus, Jesus can live out His obedient life through us.

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